rambozus:

itsmemorized:

Oh my GOD
My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes “like a cheaply made castle” and we were like what and he goes “no ballroom”
GRANDPA NO

Grandpa yes.


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heatmor:

literally what the fuck is pitbull even talking about


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sighciopath:

omfg i let my 9 year old cousin use my laptop and now look at my history


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2-shane-s:

birdsofafeathercolchester:

Little knitted pigeon enjoying come crisps on the pavement…

I thought that only the bag of chips was knitted so I was like lmaoo fucking idiot bird got owned then I saw that the bird was knitted as well then I realized I was the fucking idiot bird getting owned


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kimpissible:

police officer: you’re under arrest.
me: im rubber, you’re glue. what bounces off of me sticks to you(:
police officer: fuck


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bekstek:

mintike:

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:

image

image

cracks me up every time


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xitrus:

2 turnt 


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lucid-awakeningg:

tyleroakley:

caleighclements:

symphony-of-words:

raising awareness for turtle bullying.

a growing problem.

A very slowly growing problem.

This gets funnier and funnier every time I see it


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“You could be the King, but watch the Queen conquer”

Me reciting my wedding vows (via controlledeuphoria)


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merylstreepismymom:

"what does your tattoo mean?"

It means I wanted it so I fucking got it


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sr